Le Noir

Les Rout interviews a Frenchman named Jean-Paul Franchemanne

LR: So where were you during WWII?

JP: We were defending our liberte. Vive la France!

LR: But France was occupied for most of the war. You capitulated in a matter of days.

JP: But not as quickly as the Polish mon ami. Les Polish are women! Vive la France!

LR: That’s true, but the fact remains that France was occupied.

JP: Ah yes, but we continued our French traditions. I would eat ze brie and
ze foie gras and I would sing La Marseillaise, but very quietly, so zat I would not get caught. Vive la France!

LR: That doesn’t sound like a very meaningful resistance.

JP: We did other things as well. We made ze streets of Paris filthy so zat everything was disgusting for les Nazis. Every day I would piss on the bushes outside Notre Dame. Vive le France!

LR: But the streets are still filthy and the bushes outside Notre Dame still smell like piss.

JP: That is in commemoration of La Resistance. Vive le France!

LR: Did you ever confront the Nazis occupying your city?

JP: Oui oui. One day, I went past ze SS headquarters and I took ze baguette from under my arm and I made it to imitate ze penis. I walked past ze SS men and I say to zem “Ha ha look at me! I am monsieur Hitler and I have a big dick haha.” And zen I run away! Vive le France!

LR: Did you make any concessions to the Nazis or Vichy?

JP: Well I joined ze Nazi Party and worked as a low-level functionary in the Vichy Government. But zis is unimportant. I had ze spirit of Napoleon in moi. Vive la France!

LR: Sweet Jesus! I thought you were part of La Resistance!

JP: I went to school with Marechal Petain. I feel zat I owed him as part of ze Gallic Brotherhood. Vive la France! You must excuse me now, I must go drink wine and pee. Vive la France!

LR: I am appalled.

JP: Allons, enfants de la patrie!

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